This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
