I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
