What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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