The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
