I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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