I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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