I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why do cheetos always look like penises
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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