i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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