I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
