I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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