Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
