dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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