Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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