Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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