it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
