That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i think my cat just said my name.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
