I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
