Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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