Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
