I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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