I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
