i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize