I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
