I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
