State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
