I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
