Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
