It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
