so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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