11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
