Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
