one two three fourrrrnication!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
