these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
