remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
