So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
