I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
