you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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