Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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