just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
