This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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