Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
