How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
