Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Enjoy the penises
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
