She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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