Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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