i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
