How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wear drunk well.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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