Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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