i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
