dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
