i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
