my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
