dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
