I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
