i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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