planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
