i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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