i just wanna soil my oats bro
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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