You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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