I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
