I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
