I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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