He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
