Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
