also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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