what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
