I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
